its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
