is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
