i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
