Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
