I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
