What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
