girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
