Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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