Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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