i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
