I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
