During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
