And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
