I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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