She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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