How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
