I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
