I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
