Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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