well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
