At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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