your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
