That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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