I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
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he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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