I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
