he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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