We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
