Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
