Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
