So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
