She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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