Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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