You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
