Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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