The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
