shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
