and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
