living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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