Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
