My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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