I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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