Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
