Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
