The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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