Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
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Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
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I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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