Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
