Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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