Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize