i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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