i just had sex bonerless
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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