his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
