Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
