areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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