just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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