we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
