My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
