guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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