My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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