Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize