Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
