Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
