Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
